Fog

My head that is. It's in a fog. I don't know what to think about S. I mean does dude really like me or am I just stupid and can't see the forest for the trees?? We just spent another evening/day together. He came over to my house last night after he got off work and we went to have some drinks at this bar. Damn he was looking so good!! After I got good and wasted, we came back to my house. He was at my house until around 3:00 in the afternoon on Saturday, and left because I had to get ready for a candle party I was having at my house at 7:00. Plus he was not feeling well.

I think the thing that has me twisted was a comment he made while we were talking about my girlfriend K who is having some issues determining the difference between a booty call and a relationship with this guy. I was telling him the whole story and one part is that right after this guy and K had sex, dude went to the bathroom and then proceeded to get dressed and bounce. S goes "Wow that is the ultimate disrespect to just up and bounce. You should at least stay a while and cuddle with her before just dippin out..." That comment had me thinking, "Okay is that where you're doing? Just staying around to cuddle and I am just a piece of ass to you?" Yes I was too chicken shit to ask is that all we are doing, so I didn't say anything. Actually I don't think it was me being a chicken shit, I guess I just didn't want him to say yes, which is very upsetting to me. Then I started rationalizing the shit by thinking "Okay B, you know he deleted his personals ad on Yahoo and his AFF profile and he changed his myspace profile to say "In a relationship", plus he told you the last time you saw him, that he told his mom and all his boys know about you, so OBVIOUSLY he doesn't feel you're just a booty call. " I mean honestly, what dude tells his momma about a girl who is just a piece of ass??!?

I don't know what to think and I swear I have never been in this type of situation before. When I am messing with a dude, I KNOW where I stand with him and if it's just fuckin, or more than that. This one I don't know. I do know that the more time I spend with him, the stronger my feelings for him are developing which is kinda scary when you don't know where I stand.

On the one hand, I can do WTF I want because we haven't officially had "that talk". On the other, it's unnerving to not know where you stand. On top of that, the Hawaii trip is upon me and I don't know who I am taking. I would love to take G, because I know he knows how to play the corporate game and he can get along with anyone. But, we have hardly spoken. We did talk last weekend and I have not called him back since he called me last Sunday. On the other hand I would love to take S because I think we would have a good time together. Apart of me is like fuck both these dudes and take a girlfriend, like K. To be honest, sometimes I REALLY miss G. I was listening to that Bow Wow song, with T-Pain "Outta My System" and I got all misty eyed because I know G is not 100% outta my system. This shit is so confusing.