Mass Confusion....

I did not realize I had not posted since October, and yes a GANG of shit has happened. I broke up with G on October 17th. Yeah I went about it in a fucked up way, I sent an e-mail but at that point I felt really broken and that it was necessary. We still continuted to talk for a few months after that about things.

Well a little caveat to this story is in the summer I met a guy, S. We communicated by e-mail for a few months and what not but when things got serious between G and I, I let him know that and we stopped talking. Well when we broke up, S and I started talking again...just friendly stuff and he kept asking me out for drinks and I kept standing his ass up. On December 1st, we finally did meet up for drinks at Old Chicago. I ended up spending the night at his apt. and we' ve been seeing each other ever since. I wouldn't necessarily call it a "relationship" but it's growing and I can tell he is feelin me and I am feelin him. So, I had it in my mind that I would see where this was going. Thennnnnnn I went to AZ for a week. I don't know if I posted this before but I am about 95% sure I am moving to AZ this summer. While in AZ, I had an absolute blast, but kept thinking of S. I even texted him while I was there to tell him I missed him. On New Year's Eve, I got a text message from G, which brought back all the emotion I had for him. The day I got back to Oregon, S was calling me to tell me he missed me and asking when he could see me again, so I saw him a few days later. In the meantime, G and I start text messaging back and forth and we finally talked on the phone about a week later, which was a great conversation and we talked about a lot of things. I have talked to him every day since then. Bottom line, I am confused. I have feelings for both of them and have no idea what to do.

Both of them have qualities that I absolutely love. S is so open; we can talk about anything. People think I just go over to his house for sex, but honestly, we sit on his couch and just talk for hours about everything under the sun. He doesn't front or put on these heirs like he's something he's not and he's honestly a very nice guy. He can be very affectionate and is extremely passionate. However, S drinks a lot, he is very emotionally guarded and when he's going through things, he drops off the face of the planet and you don't hear from him for weeks. He is only 26, and has no children so I don't have a good sense as to how he would be with my kids.

G also has qualities that I love which is that he is very family oriented and I know he would accept my kids as his own. He is very organized and would make sure the home is taken care of. He is a fun-loving person and is adaptable to any situation and he's very smart. G is also tempermental, has a lot of issues and can be difficult to communicate with.

I have never been in this type of a situation before...that I have feelings for two men and want them both in my life. Craziness.