"Crime" of the Century....

Okay, not really, but it got your attention didn't it???? LOL. Seriously, my "crime" is old people in cars they have no business in. Let's take this morning...I'm on my way to work and I'm sitting on the ever-so-annoying-and-unneccsary-on-ramp-to-the-freeway-from-hell: Hwy 26. As I sit on there I notice a White Acura, looking lovely. The car was CLEAN! Rimmed up, dark tinted-windows, sunroof open, and the window rolled down just a tad. But it was about 2 cars ahead of me in the other lane, so I'm thinking, "Damn, I wanna know who's inside, I bet it's a straight HONEY!" Okay people, I'm married~not blind and I gotta get my excitement from somewhere!!!

So the metered online turns green and Acura goes, as he speeds off, he rolls down the window and hangs him arm out, Arm look good, so I'm thinking, I GOTTA see who's inside!!! Next, the car in front of me in my lane goes, a grey Lexus SUV. Then the car in the other lane goes, a green Ford Tempo. FINALLY, it's my turn. The light turns green and I SPEEEEED onto the freeway...then HALT. I'm stuck behind the motha-fuckin green Tempo, which contains the likes of Grandma-Dynamite going like 20 MPH on the GD freeway!!! Which brings me to "Crime" of the Century # 2534, Don't get on the freeway in which traffic is going 65, and you get on going, 35!!! Man, I'm from California and when my dad taught me to drive, he drilled in my head that when you get on the freeway, you drive the speed of traffic so the merge is smooth. Well on this particular day, the speed of traffic was about 55 MPH, which is rare for Hwy 26 on a Monday morning, but on THIS day, that was speed. But OOHHHH NOOOOO, Grandma Dynamite was merging at her lofty speed of 20 and not one mile faster.....

I look in front and the Acura is speeding away..NOOOOOOO!!! I can't let this happen, so I speed up and merge to the middle and then far left lane. I weaving in and out out of traffic and FINALLY catch up to the Acura, as we both exit 26 going towards downtown. We're stopped at a red light. I look over with my shy-but-sexy look and WTF do I see??? An old-ass man in the Acura! He must-a been at least 60, all this white hair blowin in the wind and puffin on a cig like that shit is going outta style. I could have DIED!!! The shame! The embarrassment! Maybe that was God's way of saying, "Bitch you know you married and ain't got no business lookin at other motha-fucka's anyway"!!!!