What a damn week.....

It was long and I'm glad this shit is OVER....But I'm a little depressed at the long holiday weekend because it will just be me and D. T & J are with their dad this weekend. Starting next weekend they are with their dad for TWO weeks!!! It's a part of their dad's and my divorce decree that we each get them for 2 uninterrupted weeks in the summer. What will I do without the two of them for that long? I don't know what we are going to do this weekend and it kinda bothers me. On the other hand I don't know why I'm trippin over it because it's not like E ever had these fan-fucking-tabulous plans for us to do stuff anyway. I mean why would he do that? That would have taken away from him thinking about himself. I think I am still a little sad that I am alone...again.

On a more positive note, I started seeing a therapist, and yesterday was my first appointment. I know that I have many demons in my past that I need to deal with from my childhood and what better time than the present to start dealing witht them. I really feel that me NOT dealing with them has had such a profound impact on my life because it affects SO many things. Even in the one hour that I was with her, the comments she made have really got me thinking because she brought up points that I have never thought about. I think this will be a good thing.

Talked to "the guy" again tonight. I don't know. My head is completely fucked up. I mean on the one hand we have such intimate conversations and if what he tells me is true, he is really feelin' me like in a MAJOR way and has for a long time. On the other hand, the nigga is like Cassidy "I'm a hustla, I'ma I'ma hustla homie" and I don't like that. On the other hand, he lives about 2,000 miles away from me!!! WTF???!! Although he did make a comment that his little brother told him they should move back here, since as he put it "he knows how I feel about you"....Ummm can I know? But then again I don't want to know because that takes this situation to a whole other level that I-for-damn-sure am not ready to got. Plus, you never know, that could be all BS talk.....I don't know. I'm tired and am going to bed. Goodnight all.